HAPPY BIRTHDAY - WOODSTOCK!

HAPPY 40th Woodstock!

I cannot believe it has been 40 years since Woodstock -40 years of living a life not quite what we rallied and gathered together for – 40 years of transitioning from our reaffirmation of a non-establishment lifestyle to a somewhat traditional existence. All I can say to that is THANK GOODNESS WE FINALLY GOT IT!

Sometimes (whom am I kidding) most of the time, when I look into the mirror I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. Sometimes I don’t look so worn but that is also the time for another glass of wine (or whine) :) But most of the time I am truly happy with who I’ve become, my family, career choices and friendships. But, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I do miss the excitement of anticipation – of feeling that you can do anything, act however, and to hell with the establishment (which I am now a thriving member). And just think you could actually lie on the grass and get up without any help. Maybe that part is the same but for different reasons. Yes, I miss Woodstock.

But, believe it or not, I think I am at a better place. I know who I am – I have accomplishments I never dreamed of – family and friends I love and respect but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I do miss the excitement. Which leads me into what SrMeetUp! is doing to help rekindle your passions, whether on the grass or not. SrMeetUp! is putting together the best life/career coaches, career transition teams, resume writers, volunteer organizations and the like to get the feeling of anticipation flowing yet again.
Stay tuned for exciting, challenging and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the excitement of anticipation.

In Friendship

Elaine

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Yes, It Gets Easier

I met Judy Brauner after my husband, Bob, suddenly passed away. I never thought I would ever need a “shrink’s” counsel, let alone have to deal with bereavement. Although Judy’s article may be difficult and sad to read, it is a part of life and, I, for one, found her support immeasurably, albeit surprisingly, helpful. As you may be able to see, I was not a willing member of this group. I was angry, argumentative and thought those around me who “shared” were lame. Bob and I didn’t even know these people – why would I possibly want to share my most traumatic experience with this collection of depressed strangers? I goaded Judy, but she, thank goodness, is thick-skinned and just allowed me to vent. Then, she moved on to the next group member.

What Judy doesn’t say is that, despite how much I didn’t want this process to succeed, unconsciously, of course, I did meet my two very best friends, Renee and Gilda. I can’t imagine getting to this point without them. We made certain promises that we were not going to martyr our husbands but to love and remember them as they were, including the annoyances, frustrations and, most especially, their humor. Many, many evenings we’d sit with a bottle of wine in a restaurant or at our homes and laugh until tears came. How wonderful to be able to laugh with people who truly understand.

Today, while I still miss Bob and all the things I want to share with him, especially our new grandson and, don’t forget, SrMeetUp!, I am and will remain forever grateful to Judy, who did everything short of chaining me to my seat, in order to keep me a part of this remarkable program.

Judy is modest, but I’ll add that I’m not sure if the program was simply effective by its very own nature or if it was because Judy, as facilitator, made it especially wonderful – my bet's on Judy.

-Elaine

Be it a long expected, grueling and painful road of pain and illness shared with a beloved spouse, or an accident, suicide or sudden death of any kind, the separation by death from a beloved spouse puts one into an unexplored and frightening landscape. The finality of knowing you will never again be in the physical presence of one with whom you shared trust, intimacy, love, anger, children, and all of their trials, turmoil, triumphs and milestones is overwhelming. Not only is one losing so very much of the way they identify themselves in this world, they are losing a partnership which gave them a sense of importance, of having that special relationship where one matters most.

So...... people ask me, "how do I go on from here? Where do I begin? Why should I care? My life will never be the same. That is where I first met our Elaine, a bright lovely high functioning gal to whom I suggested the possibility of Bereavement Group. I told her that the beginning is rough, but, if you can stick it out for the first two very difficult sessions, what one is able to find, if open to the possibility of it, is connection with people who understand, as no one who has not been down this painful road ever can, exactly what you are going through. Also, who has the best advice of who to call when your furnace breaks down in the middle of the night, who to help with the overwhelming amount of paperwork that arises after an event like death occurs? The compatriots in this group will be there for you in a way that often friends find tiring after awhile. Bonds and friendships are formed within this group, (one which no one would ever choose to join) that is supportive and long lasting. The sense that you too, although in the midst of grief, can be of help to others just by being there and sharing your story, is very empowering.

When the death of a spouse occurs and the sorrow is great and overwhelming, it is a comfort to know that you have a place to vent your sorrows and never feel that you have said the same thing again and again and that people will tire of listening. You are, that one time a week, when the group meets, at last in a safe environment where you are burdening no one with your sorrows. Group members are only open and willing to give all the attention and support needed and know that they will receive the same in return from you. People report that week-ends are so very hard, yet here you have a list of phone numbers to call to spend a Saturday night with or grab a cup of coffee and not be alone and also not feel that you are a third wheel to your married friends who might warmly include you for dinner.

Death of a spouse is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult adjustments in life that we humans, under ordinary circumstances, will ever have to make. How does one reconfigure one’s life? How does one move forward without feeling that we are being disloyal? A bereavement group offers a perspective on dealing with the unthinkable that very few other venues offer.

Sharing memories, beautiful, wonderful ones, enrich us and keep us connected to those who enriched our lives by sharing themselves with us. They will remain forever even though the actual past itself cannot. One’s life with our spouse helps define who and what we were. Treasuring those memories and being able to share those helps us establish new relationships and continue living our life in strong and meaningful ways.

People know they are ready to move on when the intense pain is diminished and one looks forward to the future with a renewed and enthusiastic desire to live life joyfully in a new chapter with new friends, new hopes and new plans for the future.

-Judy Brauner

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Judy was born and raised in New Jersey. She graduated from Emerson College with a major in Speech Pathology and Audiology. Judy received a Masters in that field from Columbia University. After working for many years in that field she found that she was far more interested in the family dynamics of those who stuttered or suffered strokes and how their afflictions affected them and those around them. Judy then decided to go back to school and get a Masters of Social Work with a specialty in psychotherapy from NYU. Judy trained at Cornell and then worked as a therapist there, treating individuals for depression and anxiety. Judy trained as a family therapist and worked for HIP of New Jersey during the nineties, and did extensive work with both families and individuals. Judy established a successful general private practice in the early nineties which is still located in Fort Lee, NJ, where she works with individuals, couples and families. Judy has also been working at the JCC for eight years and is successfully running both bereavement groups and groups for people dealing with the issues of separation and divorce.

OLD DAWG....NEW TRICKS - Success!

SUCCESS. . . WERE THERE ANY DOUBTS?



SrMeetUp! is delighted to applaud Stuart Aion on his successful entry into the competitive and challenging field of "acting". . . . and that just isn't our opinion. Check out the reviews written by Nicole Higgins for Midtown International Theatre Festival.


Boomers take note - Find your passion - Put doubts aside - And GO FOR IT!

Stuart -- fulfilling a life's ambition is amazing in itself, but enjoying the praise of others while doing it is the icing on the cake. (carrot cake - my personal preference). - Elaine

CONGRATULATIONS FROM ELAINE AND DOUGLAS AND YOUR FRIENDS AT SRMEETUP!

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Midtown International Theatre Festival
-reviewed by Nicole Higgins
Jul 25, 2009
Christmas Guest, by James O'Connor, directed by Leigh Hile, takes us to a Christmas Party doomed by cheerful denial, drunken revelations, and the return of an unwelcome visitor. In one of the opening scenes Carmen (Jessica Rendon) tells her boyfriend, Michael (Rick Cekovsky), "It's going to be the best Christmas ever." For those of you unfamiliar, this is (I believe) a reference to Ordinary People. It's a movie (maybe THE movie) about a dysfunctional family unraveling over the holidays. It's also a signal to prepare to be unsettled. What follows is perhaps a very accurate depiction of what would happen if your nemesis, your one fear, THE person in the world about whom you are the most ambivalent, shows up on your doorstep on Christmas Eve.

The play takes place in Michael's apartment. A nervous perfectionist, somewhat proud of his domain, we see him alone on stage whistling as he puts the finishing touches on his tree. We learn as he practices his delivery (mimed) that he intends to propose on bended knee this very evening. Everything is going just swell. Mrs. McCaffrey ( winningly performed by Kelly Taylor), a cheerful older neighbor who is perhaps in the early stages of Alzheimer's, is invited to what would have been a very intimate family gathering, including upstairs neighbor and sister to Michael, Faith (Anna Winthrop).

Cue disaster. Have you been unable to explain your bad behavior? Have you ever behaved badly in front of the one person you most want to impress? Have you ever had your power suddenly subverted in your own home, surrounded by people who just don't or won't understand the situation from your point of view? Well, poor Michael is in just such a pickle. His Kryptonite arrives at his door, and without a beat is carelessly invited in by his girlfriend. What follows is a nightmare of tension as Thomas, the guest (Stuart Aion—compelling in a tough role), delivers racial epithet after racial epithet, at first reminding me of the harmless Archie Bunker, but then with repetition becoming more and more disconcerting. Heightening the effect was the audience's easy laughter at his statements, probably because of the skill of the delivery, but it left me hoping that the laughter I heard left others uncomfortable too.

Tension careens to a drunken dinner, at which Mrs. McCaffrey's cheerfulness is revealed as massive denial, Carmen the caretaker (the character is a nurse) deals out pop psychology with the delicacy of a sledgehammer, and the siblings Michael and Faith fall back into the roles they've played since birth of anxious control and passivity. Finally the evening ends as abruptly and tragically as it began with hope and cheer.

The aftermath of the night, some three days later in the timeline of the play, left me with a question. Is the decision Michael and Carmen come to born of eye-opened hope, or a tangled mess of desperate willing blindness?

Author: James V. O'ConnorDirector: Leigh Hile
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Sex After 50: Fire Sale or Barn Burner?

Happy End of Summer - N O T! I can't think of anything better to make you smile on a rainy day (or just about any day you simply want to smile) than hearing from our Boomer Extraordinaire

and hearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs Stuart.





OLD DAWG...NEW TRICKS
-by Stu Aion
. . . and the wagging "tale" continues...

Sex After 50: Fire Sale or Barn Burner?

Sex is such a "hot" topic and one I could ponder on ad nauseum. When my son at 13 asked me "Do I think about girls all the time?" and I answered "every minute" and he said "oh good...I thought it was just me", I realized what a driving force sex is: The need for, the lack of, the variety of, the fantasy of, the good, the bad...and unfortunately sometimes the ugly. I can't speak for the women of the world but having grown up with sisters and enjoyed the friendship, camaraderie and closeness of many women, I have come to realize that sex is just as vital to them. The difference being: men are more than happy to discuss it with anyone at anytime.

The constant, as I see it, is that sex is really all about the mental (mind) and the physical (body) will follow! When you are in your 20s, 30s, and 40s...it has more to do with the body...it has a mind of its own. Snow White used to give me erotic dreams...and what the hell was she doing with all those dwarfs (and why do you think Happy is so darn happy). When you get older, the mental plays a much bigger part. You need to have that cerebral spark to light an ember in your member.

Consider the fact that older woman still have needs but less need to play head games; PLEASURE is the endgame. Most of the games have been won, lost or tied (that costs extra) years before. Younger men tend to perform like it's a race without taking the time to enjoy the countryside. Although the road is more traveled at an older age...the scenery can truly be beautiful, appreciated and cultivated...because the ground is more seasoned and thankfully less fertile. ;-)

I understand that performance anxiety can rear its ugly head (or not…ha) at any age but when you are older you have physiological issues to deal with on top of the mental. There are performance enhancers and ED medication available to provide you with a safety net; and that doesn't ake you a bad person. Peace of mind is a terrific turn on and once you take the fear factor away you can just go on “cruise control”. With or without “enhancers”, relaxation and the joy of being invited to the party (BYOB) is enough to start the party.

Let me leave with a few comforting thoughts…

BOOMERS can still “BOOM BOOM POW”

What you used to do all night…doesn’t necessarily have to take you all night to do…but what’s the hurry? ;-)

Find someone that you are truly comfortable with and just enjoy every minute…there is no race…no fire (only from within)…and certainly no time limit.

Sex is still a gift and the unwrapping is in many cases…the best part.

…and for those of you who had erector sets as a child: erect it and they will “come”.

Stu Dawg
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Commentary:



Stu: very few things leave me at a loss for words, or better yet, makes me blush. It's a good thing my kids are too young to subscribe. They have no idea . . . silly kids. Without giving too much of me away I will simply say - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... life is good.

--Elaine.

. . . And The Benefits Are? Long Term Care

. . . and the benefits are?


Neil, a friend and long term client and I were engaged in a conversation the other day and Long Term Care coverage came up. We discussed several different aspects of the coverage and it surprises me how differently this coverage is understood by people. Concerns can be driven by personal experiences with people who have suffered chronic illness over a long period, by others who have incurred significant costs due to an illness or accident and there are those who have become care givers.

Neil seemed to be going in a different direction. He indicated that he as a person of “means” did not need this insurance protection. I thought about it and then said; Long Term Care Insurance could be considered an estate planning device. Neil wanted to know how estate planning became connected to Long Term Care Insurance.

I suggested that one important concept of estate planning was being able to leave something to those important to you. If you had to spend $100,000.00 or more a year on long term care expenses, those dollars would not be there for loved ones. The premium cost of the coverage each year is a reasonable way to protect your assets from being used or exhausted before they reach those most important to you. If you knew that all or most of your long term care expenses would be covered by insurance, then you could be comfortable knowing you had protected your assets from the devastating costs of a long term illness. Expenses that really are not covered by any other insurance or government program in any meaningful way are covered by Long Term Care Insurance.

There are choices with Long Term Care policies. You can select how much expense to cover per day and for how long and what kind of inflation protection you want. Neil could see the choices and recognized the protection it afforded his assets. Neil, there is more to know, but this was a good sample.

Herb


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Herb is associated with Summit Financial Resources, Inc., 4 Campus Drive, 2nd floor
Parsippany, NJ 07054 - Tel: 973-285-3600 direct line: 973-285-3648
hmillman@sfr1.com. He specializes in Personal Insurance Counseling, Financial Planning and Portfolio Management.


Securities and Investment Advisory Services offered through Summit Equities, Inc., member FINRA/SIPC."

Herb began his career in the Life and Health Insurance Industry; became engaged in the Retirement Planning area in the mid 70’s and in Equity Investing, Real Estate Development and Financial Planning with Personal Economics, Inc. as Vice President 1976-86. President of AMG Financial Services 1986-91. Summit Financial Resources, Inc. 1991 – Present.



He and his wife Janet have four children and five grandchildren. His personal interests extend to running, skiing, photography and wine.